Well, I for one certainly hope that THIS movie won't turn out to be a disaster like Mortal Kombat: Annihilation was. Seriously. The main thing running through my mind in that WHOLE movie was: 'Just HOW many characters WERE they trying to cram into this movie's plot at the very last minute?'
Think about it.
The most awesome characters like Sub-Zero and Scorpion had PITIFUL roles in that movie, and some were even slighted, only being MENTIONED in that movie:
Rain: We have captured two of Earth's warriors....Kabal and Stryker.Seriously. I know you're trying to cram like about 50 billion characters into this movie and STILL try to achieve something RESEMBLING a sensible plot, but DAMN. Did you HAVE to reduce some characters to THAT level of patheticism? Geez. And to think Midway would allow that to happen to one of the bad asses in that movie....of course, I'm talking about Kabal. For SHAME.
Now me, I would have approached that a LITTLE bit differently.
If I was to make a half assed movie that tried to cram a ba-zillion characters into one and a half hours, I would be more creative about it:
Rain: We have captured two of Earth's warriors...Kabal and Stryker, my emperor!!
Shao Kahn: Excellent! Prepare the TICKLENATOR! We shall torture them mindlessly, and with these RUBBER CHICKENS!
Rain: Uhmm.....oh-KAY?
Shao Kahn: What...why are you looking at me like that? Yo-You think I'm CRAZY, don't you?
Rain: Err....no, not at all sir......(just freaking mad, is all...)
Shao Kahn: I HEARD THAT!!
(thwacks Rain with rubber chicken, who promptly flies into the bowels of Hell)
Kabal & Stryker: Yay.
Toasty Man: Toasty!!!Yes, I know.
That whole skit did NOT make any sense, and didn't seem to alleviate the plight of Kabal and Stryker much, but at LEAST they got bigger roles with me in the Director's chair. Plus, there be rubber chickens. EVERYBODY loves rubber chickens.
(ahem) Any-hoo.....
And don't even MENTION the plot.....while I understood it pretty okay, parts of that movie just....confounded me. Case in point? The part where Nightwolf tells Liu Kang to 'feel his Animality' to beat Shao Kahn. To which I say.....HUH???
Jesus Christ. Now we have characters with minimalised roles spewing complete garbage too. There IS a bright side, though. It makes it that much easier to make FUN of:
Nightwolf: FEEL YOUR ANIMALITY.
Liu Kang: Err.....what? O_o;;
Nightwolf: I said feel your animality.
Liu Kang: Uh...I don't think I understand.
Nightwolf: FEEL YOUR ANIMALITY, GOD DAMN IT!!!
(bludgeons Liu Kang with his axe)
Toasty Man: TOASTY!!!See? Now wasn't that entertaining?
Let's not forget to, that ever-so confusing as a Chinese finger trap that was Sindel's betrayal. Well, don't remember the whole thing word for word, but, basically, Sindel is the key to beating Shao Kahn, they rescue her, Kitana says she loves her, blah-blah, Sindel laughs maniacally and tells Kitana that she NEVER loved her, Jade says that this was all a trap, to which Sindel spins out and disappears.
So basically, this 'trap' Jade's talking about is to doom the warriors of Earth by letting Kitana get freaking disowned by her wack-o mother, who then freaks out and vanishes...to which I say WTF? How in the blue YIN-YANG could you call it a TRAP?
Damn, those people are dense.
Jade: Ha! you guys are in for it now! Watch as Sindel disowns your beloved Princess Kitana! You are DOOMED! DOOMED I SAY!!
Sindel: Uhmm.....KitanaIneverlovedyou.
Kitana: (gasp)
Earth Realm Warriors: Oh noes, she disowned Kitana! We are all doom-ed!!
(nothing happens)
Sindel: I -TOLD- you it wouldn't work.
Jade: And I suppose your plan to subdue them with Ball Park sausages WOULD?
Sindel: You wanna piece of me?
Jade: BRING IT ON!!!!
[/catfight]...I forgot to mention the part where Rayden tears out all of his hair in sheer frustration at how completely stupid things are turning out so far.
And speaking OF the Thunder God, what is up with his new duds?
Sure, I can dig the buzz cut, the casual look, but you know...it just doesn't scream 'ALMIGHTY AND POWERFUL THUNDER GOD' to me.
More like....
'Rayden, the eternal spokesperson for Francis Fashions!'
Good God.
How horribly butchered this movie be?
Let me count the ways.
1. Skinny, Vin-Diesel actor (and I use the term LOOSELY) for Shao Kahn.
2. No brawl between Mileena and Kitana, none whatsoever. I don't even see a -point- to having Mileena in the movie if all she does is spurt out one line, fight horribly and DIE. Which, by the way, would be sum and total of 98% of how the villians in he movie end up.
3. Smoke + NO Harpoon attack = LAME, LAME, LAME.
4. Sub-Zero being suspended from a CLEARLY VISIBLE LINE AND GRAPPLING HOOK= Even MORE LAME. Geez...now we could probably GUESS that this movie was on a budget, eh?
5. Motaro with Screech's (from Saved by the Bell) hairstyle. Good GOD, what were they THINKING?! O_o;;
6. The BATTLE OF THE ANIMALITIES. Nuff said.
7. The movie's supposed to be based on Mortal Kombat 3 (a.k.a the sequel that killed the series), but half the cast in Mortal Kombat 3 isn't EVEN IN IT.
8. The bad acting. Shao Kahn, once again, is to blame for 50% of it.
Sonya: Those poor people. There's so little time left. If you heard that line, you'd wonder if Sonya even gives a rat's patoot about those 'poor people'.
9. Plot inconsistencies ABOUND. Remember the part where the warriors have to go to different parts of the globe after Shao Kahn makes his appearance on Earth, and they have to ride those orb-thingies? HELL-O.
Rayden + Portal = Instant transport. DUH!!!
And no, I shall not mention the part where a Baraka look-alike falls into a pit, and yet you see RAIN fall...AGAIN....into the bowels of Hell. Apparently, all people in Hell look like Rain. And yes, I know. I mentioned it. BITE ME.
I give credit where credit is due, though.
Some of the fight scenes WERE pretty cool, and seeing the death of Johnny Cage just got to me right here, but, all in all, it would never be the classic that Mortal Kombat was.
On to the present.
We can only hope that this movie is based on the events of Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance, or even Mortal Kombat: Deception. Maybe even a cross-breed of the two.
Because, you know, it makes -ZERO- sense to base a movie on a game that has long since died (I'm talking about MK 4). And even then, more gaps in the storyline, as characters from 4 would be missing. So, it would probably be a hybrid of three games, with a plethora of characters, and, once again, the danger of monkeying up this movie with crammed kombatant appearances.
What will the movie be about?
You got me.
Maybe it would be about the Deadly Alliance.
Or it could be the Rise of the Dragon King (which would ROCK, btw.)
OR......
WWE Superstars run rampant on Earth Realm, and lay the smacketh down on ALL THEIR CANDY ASSES!!!!
.......
Well, I would pay money to see that.
So, long story short, let's hope for the best, and that is, that this movie won't be a complete waste of our time, we get our money's worth, and......Liu Kang dies.
Seriously. If Shang Tsung didn't do it, I would have. WOOBA-DOO-BEH my hind-quarters.
Well, that's enough ranting from me.
See you around.
