Author Topic: Post jokes here  (Read 12050 times)

Offline MASTER_RAGE3

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« Reply #40 on: November 12, 2004, 10:43:15 AM »
"What's a nice girl like you doing with a face like that? "                    
Mastering Every Aspect Of Gaming.

Carigamers

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« Reply #40 on: November 12, 2004, 10:43:15 AM »

Offline bAnDiT

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« Reply #41 on: November 14, 2004, 03:07:47 PM »
to a crowd of girls:
Sweet biscuit!!!
if the girl ugly
not you crix!                    
I love Yu-Gi-Oh!

But Gatt didn\'t help I\'ll be watching from above

The game is not over until the final move is made

Offline New Era Outlaw

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« Reply #42 on: November 14, 2004, 05:13:26 PM »
.....emphasis on STALE.
Now, let the Outlaw show you how it's done.

Ten things you hear on the golf course that sound REALLY dirty:

1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again!                    

Offline Frozen

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« Reply #43 on: November 15, 2004, 01:26:11 AM »
^^^LOL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH

Do like santa claus and leave my presence......                    

Offline New Era Outlaw

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« Reply #44 on: November 15, 2004, 01:23:02 PM »
Okay....here's one I'm sure you've ALL heard of before.
Just let me get my reading glasses.....aha, there we go.
(opens book)
*ahem*


Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion
for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met
a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would
marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the
marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme
sacrifice and gave up beans.

Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his
birthday and on the way home from work, his car broke down.
Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her
that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way
home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked
beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk
he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home.
It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and ordered, and
before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.  

All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he
felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed
somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most
wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a
blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the
table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was
beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was
about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again
made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she
went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the
opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was
not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time
breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about
him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came
on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!!  :blink:  It sounded like a diesel
engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he
tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would
dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon
winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a
minute later the flowers on the table were dead  :blink:   .

With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells
he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top
of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when
his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if
he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not
peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated
around the table for his surprise birthday party.  

 :blink:  :blink:  :blink:  :blink:  :blink:  :blink:  :blink:  :blink:  :blink:  :blink:  :blink:  :blink:


....and the moral of the story kids is.....
Err...well, there is no moral.
Just don't eat three freaking bowls of baked beans before a surprise party. That's it, this story is over, GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY!                    

Carigamers

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« Reply #44 on: November 15, 2004, 01:23:02 PM »

Offline carlsberg

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« Reply #45 on: November 15, 2004, 03:24:52 PM »
Moral Dilemma
You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night,
when
you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there
could
only be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as
part of
a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is
going
to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the
old
friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the
perfect
chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your
perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble
coming up with his answer. He simply answered: "I would give the car
keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I
would
stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn
thought limitations.
Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

....HOWEVER....
The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of
her
misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car,
then
drive off with the old friend for a few beers.

                     
JIHAD




Offline carlsberg

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« Reply #46 on: November 15, 2004, 03:35:56 PM »
GUY: hey gurl....did u fall from heaven??

GIRL:yesss.....(blushes and smiles)

GUY: where???on your face!!                    
JIHAD




Offline bAnDiT

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« Reply #47 on: November 15, 2004, 06:45:25 PM »
Quote
....HOWEVER....
The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of
her
misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car,
then
drive off with the old friend for a few beers.
 [_[ You know for a minute there I thought we weren't actually gonna get a joke :P                      
I love Yu-Gi-Oh!

But Gatt didn\'t help I\'ll be watching from above

The game is not over until the final move is made

Offline LiQuiDSNaKe

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« Reply #48 on: November 16, 2004, 11:32:29 AM »
You real good it had so much writing it take more than a minute.I wasn't even waiting for a joke i got fed up!

Stacy:Boys whisper they love me
John :Well who in they right mind go say that out loud?!?

Andrew:I too tired to wash the car
Father :Listen boy!Hard work never kill nobody!
Andrew :And i don't want to be the first!
                     
God asks no man whether he wants to live, that is not the choice....The only choice is how

She's a DOA3 kind of sexy....and that's all i really need to say

OVRCVRBRO NTN LQDSNK CVA {C-P} 8188

Offline AngryBastard

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« Reply #49 on: November 16, 2004, 09:33:56 PM »
^^^ that is some stale jokes there liquid...
i sure we have better than that :D                    

Look AT the Avatar.. Know why He\'s Waving...
Cuz i Say bye bye..

Offline DeadEyes

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« Reply #50 on: November 17, 2004, 09:18:46 AM »
JAck be nimble Jack be quick
jack jumped over the candle stick
jack wasn't so nimble and he wasn't so quick
now jacks in the hospital with a burnt off D!ck                    

Offline Bourbon_Ghost

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« Reply #51 on: November 17, 2004, 01:48:50 PM »
^^AHAHHAHAHA it had to be u eh mofo' ^^

hmmmm. aight i just made this one up
biscuits an crackers
crackers and cheese
crixx and milk
and bourbon forever w00T! horray!

BOOYAH!

Polly want a bourbon........*giggle giggle*                    
\"ONLY THOSE WHO ARE WORTHY ARE CALLED UPON\"

BOURBON 4 LIFE

*LOOB MASTER* (1-800-LOOB)


Offline thrillseeker

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« Reply #52 on: November 17, 2004, 03:37:29 PM »
Why Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer:

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand,
a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've know you since you were a young boy, and
frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people
and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains
to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked,
"Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too.
He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone
and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his
wife with three different women, one of whom was your wife.  Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died. The judge ordered the counsels to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said,
"If either of you bastards asks that bitch if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."

                     

Offline DeadEyes

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« Reply #53 on: November 17, 2004, 04:18:53 PM »
Man: Doc i have a problem, everytime i look into a mirror i get an erection can u tell me why?

DOC: yeah,,,,,,,cuz u look like a C(_)NT........lol                    

Offline LiQuiDSNaKe

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« Reply #54 on: November 18, 2004, 01:34:29 PM »
Quote
^^AHAHHAHAHA it had to be u eh mofo' ^^

hmmmm. aight i just made this one up
biscuits an crackers
crackers and cheese
crixx and milk
and bourbon forever w00T! horray!

BOOYAH!

Polly want a bourbon........*giggle giggle*
Don't worry......
We'll act like this is a ghost too......
And pretend we never saw it [_[  :lol:                      
God asks no man whether he wants to live, that is not the choice....The only choice is how

She's a DOA3 kind of sexy....and that's all i really need to say

OVRCVRBRO NTN LQDSNK CVA {C-P} 8188

Offline DeadEyes

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« Reply #55 on: November 19, 2004, 11:19:48 AM »
LMAO @ Liquid........good one hoss                    

Offline DeadEyes

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« Reply #56 on: November 23, 2004, 12:05:08 PM »
Husband: Honey can i cum in your ear?
Wife: no u can't you want me to go deaf?
Husband: but i cum in your mouth all the time and you still won't shut the f*ck up                    

Offline rudeboy96

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« Reply #57 on: March 13, 2005, 01:19:07 PM »
Two biscuit walkin down de road.

one fall an break he foot

'CRIX!'                    

Offline ShinSagat

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Re: Post jokes here
« Reply #58 on: April 03, 2005, 07:57:54 PM »
Beenie man met up with elephant man and ask

How we have d same last name ?

cuz we both born from Wo Man


Hmph...Try again Kid - Sagat

Carigamers

Re: Post jokes here
« Reply #58 on: April 03, 2005, 07:57:54 PM »

 


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