Eleven reasons why Mario may be a Crack Addict

[New Era Outlaw]

You know, one day, while playing Super Mario Bros. and watching everything go on in the Mushroom Kingdom, I realised one thing:
Mario is a freaking drug addict.
No, seriously.
Take a peek at all of the signs that suggest that Mario may have been riding the white pony:

1. He eats strange mushrooms that make him feel big.
2. He bonks his head repeatedly on bricks.
3. He battles walking mushrooms and giant, fire breathing turtles. Does THAT sound right to you?
4. He gets access to an obscene number of gold coins, but do we actually get to SEE exactly WHAT he spends it on? Does he WANT us to know?
One would think with all that coinage, he could get some new threads, or something.
5. You always see white clouds in the background with smiley faces. Does that say something to you?
6. One Starman and Mario feels invincible and starts going on a murdering rampage. Starman? More like high-density weed to me!
7. His girlfriend Princess Toadstool is almost ALWAYS getting kidnapped.
Sounds to me like SMB is a whole drug deal gone bad....
8. At the end of every stage, Mario goes into his castle. Now tell me, who OTHER than a Colombian drug lord can afford to actually HAVE a freaking castle at the end of every stage? [8 x 3= 24 castles!]
9. Here is a guy that can go underwater and stay there for an indefinite amount of time. Sounds to me like Mario's been beefing up his lung power quite a bit....*cough*bong*cough*
10. At the end of each level, he has a conversation with [ahem] talking mushrooms. Now, I've had a conversation with a mushroom before, and I knew I had to seek help when they began talking back...uhmm, yeah... :shock:
11. Does that icon that gives Mario the racoon features in SMB3 look like a joint to you?

So, there you have it.
If that isn't proof that Mario has been hitting the bong quite a few times, I don't know what is.
If you guys have anything to add to this thread, please, let me in on it...

Mr. Ed: You...really have nothing to do, do you, young 'un?
Me: Nope. Nothing whatsoever...                    

[bAnDiT]

I agree with Mr. Ed dred you have WAY too much time on your hands
But seriously ur reasons have justified your argument so believe it or not
Mario may be on drugs
O and what's up with his bro?
Can't he eva find a razor or time to shave?!?                    

[PapaSmurf]

you know NEO....you may just have something there                    

[Evangelion_01]

He has quite a few valid points there PS...was wondering when someone else would start noticing some of these characteristics...:|:|

The shaving thing answers itself...its how you tell them apart                    

[QDizzle]

lol @ all ah allyuh allyuh actually analyzed mario bros lol next ting yuh know yuh wha dig into the conspiracy behind what does happen when yuh conquer TETRIS                    

[Rampage]

i doh think i ever reach that level of boredom in meh life nah. you on a higher level hoss! you in a different class! higher league immc!

but you have some good points in there, however mushrooms are suppose to make you feel stronger and bigger etc. its a japenese thing nah.                    

[SPK]

lol...well that's some interesting points to ponder upon there NEO...

*wonders what else NEO will bring to us next *                    

[~*Ashiee*~]

lol this was kicks
ear u got alot of time on your hands!
good luck to you

and what possessed u to write or think about this?                    

[Flippant]

hmm some valid points yes and indeed while mario might do shrooms and weed,
you havent offered any evidence as to why he may be on crack.
he isnt really shifty paranoid, or fatigued easily.                    

[Imperial_X]

He isn't shifty?  Ever tried forward +B.  That's how a crack addict would run.  Have you seen how he fidgets to get to the edge of whatever platform he is to make jumps?

Why is it that at the end of the stage, you have to jump real high to get a big score?  Moral significance I say.                    

[Heady]

I caught him in action, it's true.




Mario how could u?                    

[Imperial_X]

I actually thought of these things when I was about 10yrs old or something...

Ever notice in Mario 3 for NES, he could walk behind those white blocks?  That's a freaking crack house right there.  

What do you think he does when he runs off camera when he finishes a level?  Trust me, it's not fingerpainting.                    

[The_Dark_Goddess]

ha ha ha

NEO u rock man, that was fun to read and makes a lot of sense.

the truth is out! muahahahaha!                    

[Imperial_X]

Yoshi is a chronic herbalist.  That's why you have to feed him every 2 seconds.

When you duck with Mario, he pulls his hat down over his head.  More common crackhead behavioural patterns.

If you think you can hit the reset button on life and start from where you ended off you are not only on crack yourself, but you're wrong.  You have to start over from scratch.  Geez, even I knew that.                    

[androsovic]

u people seriously have nothing to do.i cud find sum employ at my house if allyuh want.i not paying though, and then again,y'all have rell time. but i hear mario and chappel having a crack contest.mix crack with baking soda.                    

[New Era Outlaw]

lol @ all ah allyuh allyuh actually analyzed mario bros lol next ting yuh know yuh wha dig into the conspiracy behind what does happen when yuh conquer TETRIS

That's easy...
Everybody know that the blocks in TETRIS are actually kilograms of rock cocaine. That's right, the seemingly innocent game of TETRIS is actually training for stacking packages of hard-boiled CRACK!

...well, at least we all know now where Mario gets his jiggy from....                    

[Imperial_X]

And pong is symbolic of the control of the drug trade between foreign territories.  Don't let the Crack (the white square) get into your territory                    

[Bob]

Pong is the best game ever

when stoned off your rocker

and leave mario alone we all have our vices                    

[SPK]

well, for Tetris, it kinda makes sense, given to the whole Russian component of it being behind the scenes...

But don't you think that there would have been a heavy Colombian influence into the game then if that was the case NEO?                    

[QDizzle]

Maybe we should bring into context the fact that Wario could be MARIO when he all hopped up on crack cocaine ah mean tink bout it
and the lil fire balls he peltin out is the stub of the weed when he finish smoke