Allyuh read this storyTwas the night before Christmas, and all through the land Not a person was sleepy, not even the weed man The .38 millimeter was loaded with care In hopes that St. Nicholas would soon be here Out on the front there arose such a clatter I ran with the gun to see what was the matter Away to the window, I flew like a flash This bandit would get hot lead in his @$$! I opened the back door and went outside I crept behind a water tank to hide. What I saw brought fear to my heart. There were eight flying ramgoats, and an old cart When I saw the driver, I said "Oh $h!+! That sonuvab***h must be St. Nick!" More rapid than eagles the ramgoats came And he whistled, and cussed, and called them by name: "Now, Spranger! now, Smoker! now Itchin' and Scratchin'! On, Beppin' ! on, Cloutin'! on Bitchin' and Naggin'! To the top of the roof! So much presents to tote! And all of a sudden I feelin' for a smoke!" The arrival of Santa was a great dream to me. I looked up and shouted, "Aye! What de scene?" Santa said, "There's no chimney. I'm all out of luck!" I said, " This is Trinidad, you stupid f***! Yuh ramgoats better not crap on my roof!" Santa jumped down, and fell with a loud BOOF! When I saw his face, I nearly got a heart attack. The rumours were right. Santa Claus is BLACK!!! He was dressed in all mink, from head to feet. There was gold, silver AND platinum in his teeth. He really looked like a pimp for so 'Cause he was only saying " HO, HO, HO!" A bundle of presents he had flung on his back He looked like a Boboshanti selling nuts in a pack His cheeks were puffy, his eyes were red. The man had a big afro on his head! He had a bullfrog face and a big pot belly And he had a silver chain ------- an imitation "NELLY". I said, " If this is really Santa Claus here, Then tell me all the things I wanted LAST YEAR!" Santa skinned up his face and said , " Let's see, You wanted clothes, a mansion, cars and money, Shoes, a job, a gyul, an XBOX with games, A pool, a big stereo and some platinum chains And finally, just to sound "Christmasy" A partridge in a pear tree, whatever that be." "You forgot my gifts!" ,I shouted, "You had to be crazy!" "I was gonna bring them", he said, "but I was feelin' lazy! Anyways, I heard Trinidad have the best ganja. So give a little sample to jolly old Santa!" I gave him "a sample", nicely rolled in brown I told him, "This is the best SMOKE in town" "As the natives say", said Santa, "gimme the light!" I lit the fuse-----------this would f*** him up right! "What's the name of this?", said Santa, "I got to have some!" "This", said I, "is what the natives call A SCRATCHBOMB!!" The explosion startled the dotish old elf I pulled out the gun and said, "Go f*** yuhself!" I shot him in the feet, and called out my peeps. With cutlasses, we planassed him in the street Even the weed man, with happy refrain, Shouted happily, "I sprang Santa chain!!" To finish the job, and feeling real dread, We stretched his boxers right over his head. We reached for his sack, our hearts filled with glee We'll be the richest n!g@$$ in the country!! My peeps came back with a coalpot, and say: "We eating flying ramgoat on Christmas Day! Yay!!" And then we all shouted, as Santa ran into the night: "Merry Christmas to you. Now get the f*** out meh sight!!"
