Author Topic: Just a Joke (Read 213297 times)

suzieboy · « **Reply #100 on:** July 26, 2005, 01:06:54 PM »

[a cricket chirps]

Carigamers · « **Reply #100 on:** July 26, 2005, 01:06:54 PM »

Narcissus · « **Reply #101 on:** July 26, 2005, 01:10:06 PM »

THE DEVIL
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...

Satan: Why so glum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!

Satan: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Satan: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then drink some more! And we don't worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway.
Guy: Gee, that sounds great!

Satan: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it!

Satan: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars
from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer- no biggie, you're already dead, remember?
Guy: Wow... that's awesome!

Satan: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Satan: Cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps,

Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt...
you're dead anyhow.

Satan: What about Drugs?!?
Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...

Satan: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine.
You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares.
Guy: WOW! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!

Satan: You gay?
Guy: No...

Satan: (grimaces). Oooooooh...You're gonna hate Fridays.

Narcissus · « **Reply #102 on:** July 26, 2005, 01:13:20 PM »

Ah lil' youth liming on de block, minding his own business when all of ah sudden ah big fella pass and hit him WHAP !! -- knocks him on de ground.

De big fella say, "dat was ah karate chop from Korea."

De lil' youth thinking "GEEZ," but he get back up an chillin' on de block as normal again, when all of ah sudden --WHAP !! - de big fella lick him down AGAIN and say, "dat was ah judo chop from Japan."

So de youth vex now... He get up, brush he self off and quietly leave.

De youth man gone fuh about ah hour and come back. He walks up behind the big fella and -- WHHHAAAAATTTTAAAAAAPPP !! -- knock him out cold.

De lil' youth watch ah next pardna and say, "When he wake up, tell him dat is ah 2x4 from Mr. Chin Hardware Store."

suzieboy · « **Reply #103 on:** July 26, 2005, 01:14:43 PM »

LOLOLOL....this one good , not stale like my own......

HHHHHHmmmmmm....I tell one kinda stale joke and ah lose 2 chakra over the past halfhour....LOL thats a joke by itself. Could image if ah tell 3 stale jokes.....

MOD Edit: Don't double-post, especially just to say that. -1 Chakra for that. Have a nice day....

Narcissus · « **Reply #104 on:** July 26, 2005, 01:29:08 PM »

Yuh know is time to burn yuh Trini Passport when….”

Yuh start “hengin’ out” instead of limin’….

Yuh feelin’ embarrass to 'storm' ah party….

Yuh eating roti with knife and fork…..

Yuh start making road signals when yuh driving …….

Yuh cyah take even “slight” pepper in yuh doubles …….

Yuh stop tinkling de ice in yuh drink before yuh drink it ………

Yuh have problems makin’ ah steups wit’ yuh mout’……….

Yuh stop eatin’ sugar cake, toolum and paw paw balls because dey have
too much calories.....

Yuh worried dat the red stuff in "red mango" not good fuh ya.

Yuh cyah turn yuh back an’ still 'mako' ah conversation from across de room

…….Yuh not usin’ expressions like “Ay boy”, “Yeah”, “Orright”, “Eh-eh” with every other sentence.

Yuh have to ask somebody what tune win roadmarch dis year.

Yuh worried about not gettin enough sleep at Carnival time.

Yuh find the weather too hot for you.

Yuh fraid to laugh out loud because people might “look at yuh funny…”

Yuh drinkin’ coconut water from ah straw (Oh Lord! No!)…………….

If you answer Yes to more than four..... You have officially crossed over....is time to 'bun' yuh passport. :-)

Carigamers · « **Reply #104 on:** July 26, 2005, 01:29:08 PM »

MASTER_RAGE3 · « **Reply #105 on:** July 26, 2005, 01:50:41 PM »

funny ahahah ahhahah ahaha NO! come nah man u shud watch more comedy central and come back again

New Era Outlaw · « **Reply #106 on:** July 26, 2005, 09:48:13 PM »

pleb, My_thum_hurts, and MASTER_RAGE3, knock it OFF.
The last thing a thread like this needs is a bunch of spam-happy goobers.
First and last warning.
Carry on.

pleb · « **Reply #107 on:** July 26, 2005, 11:46:57 PM »

ewwww

the only person i see spammin is my_thumb_hurts who cud hav edited his post and added in stuff and u neo who hav no sense of humor

why i cant post jokes too???

Kaizen · « **Reply #108 on:** July 26, 2005, 11:48:36 PM »

hmm

neo cut him some slack he jus wana join in ^^
**edited for respect to w1ns post**

Narcissus · « **Reply #109 on:** July 27, 2005, 01:34:22 AM »

i doh see why dem men cyar post dey joke an dem just refrain from de spammin. anyways...

A well-known cardiologist died and an elaborate funeral was planned. A huge
heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened and the casket rolled inside. The
heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into nervous laughter.
When confronted, he said, "I'm sorry. I was just thinking of my own
funeral....I'm a gynecologist."

Narcissus · « **Reply #110 on:** July 27, 2005, 01:41:48 AM »

DONT BE GREEDY

One day, Harry came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds. He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before. Curious and brave, he began to climb. Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying here on a cloud.
She spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry figured success had to be better than this, so he continued climbing. He came upon another level of clouds, and found a thinner, cuter woman than before.
She also spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry saw that his luck was changing and so continued his climb. On another level of clouds, he found a rather attractive woman with not so bad of a figure.
She stated, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry really liked his advantage now! He climbed quickly and deftly, and sure enough, on the next level, he found a gorgeous, lithe, well-endowed woman lying seductively on the cloud.
"Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she huskily whispered. Harry couldn't believe his eyes, but his greed got the best of him. He climbed to the next level, expecting Aphrodite or similar. Suddenly, the ladder ends, and a latch closes behind him. He looks over to see a 400-pound, 6'8" hairy biker-looking guy with tattoos. The biker gets up and walks menacingly toward Harry.
Apprehensively, Harry whispers, "Who are you?" The biker answers, "I'm Cess.

Narcissus · « **Reply #111 on:** July 27, 2005, 01:42:37 AM »

Nick the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death.

One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague,Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours,
would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that
only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the
antidote to cure the itch.

The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer.
Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the
antidote for the itching powder which he quickly put into his
mouth,and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on
the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left
both satisfied and touted as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less, and knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King sent him away with no payment made.

The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive
dose of the same itching powder into the King's loincloth.

The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer...

pleb · « **Reply #112 on:** July 27, 2005, 01:47:58 AM »

HAHAHAHAH

OMG THAT IS FUNNY SH!T NARC!!!

Narcissus · « **Reply #113 on:** July 27, 2005, 02:02:29 AM »

ways to keep a healthy level of insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a
hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with
that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in". !
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has Gotten over
their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation marks
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle
sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time
this week!!!!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling
"run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner. "due to the economy, we are going to
have to let one of you go."

Narcissus · « **Reply #114 on:** July 27, 2005, 02:07:48 AM »

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on
their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what hashappened.

"First body: Guyanese, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to his
mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.

"Second body: "Trini, 25, won a thousand dollars on the lottery,
spent it all on rum. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Rasta from
Jamaica, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his picture taken by JAH!."

Narcissus · « **Reply #115 on:** July 27, 2005, 02:10:34 AM »

"Trinidadian Newlyweds"

A Trinidadian couple had only been married for two weeks.
The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out into
own and party with his old buddies. So he says to his new wife
"Honey, ah comin back now..."
"Whey yuh goin chunkalunks...?" asked the wife.
"Ah goin by the rum shop, pretty face. Ah goin tuh drink ah beer."
The wife says to him, "You want ah beer mah love?" Then
she opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different
kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries.
The husband doesn't know what to do, and the only thing
that he can think of saying is, "Yah dahlin...but the
bar....yuh know nah...the frozen glass..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, when the wife
interrupts him by saying, "Yuh want ah frozen glass puppy face?" She
takes a huge beer mug out of the freezer so frozen that she was getting
chills holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, says, "Yes, tootsie roll, buh by the
bar dey have those hors d'oeuvres that does taste real good...ah eh go
be long, ah comin back now. Ah promise. OK?" "Yuh want hors d'oeuvres
poochi pooh?"

She opens the oven and takes out 15 dishes of different hors'oeuvres.

"But sweet honey...by the rum shop... yuh know nah...the swearing,
the dirty words and all that..."
"Yuh want dirty words cutie pie?...

HERE, DRINK YUH F@#%N BEER IN YUH MUDDA-ASS MUG AND EAT YOUR KISS MEH ASS SNACKS, BECAUSE YUH EH GOIN
NO F#$%N WAY ! YUH MUDDERS C*&T WILL STAY HOME!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

W1nTry · « **Reply #116 on:** July 27, 2005, 07:53:51 AM »

Sorry Killzone and Neo I found that whale pic to be in poor taste and the fact that its an uber endangered species I really had a distaste for seeing that pic. It was to say the least Attrocious imho. So I pulled it cause I do NOT see the humor in LOSS of LIFE of such a large and wondrous creature. Human beings need a good kick in the @$$ for the mess we make of our planet, please doh promote, condone or laugh at such things.

KillZone · « **Reply #117 on:** July 27, 2005, 08:38:58 AM »

yeh no problem ,so dont worry bout any like that in the future. i will make sure that they are all of a positive and still funny nature. so sorry and thanks

Narcissus · « **Reply #118 on:** July 28, 2005, 01:09:13 AM »

Only A West Indian Can Understand This......

One night a father put his three-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story sat and and listened to her prayers, which she ended by saying: "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma, and *goodbye* "Grandpa."

"Ah why yuh a say *good-bye* Grandpa'" fah? the father asked.
"Mi noh know, " the little girl said.
The next day, Grandpa died. The man thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later, he put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy and *good-bye* Grandma."

The next day, the grandmother died!

"Rahtid, thought the man, dis yah pickne can see inna de future."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the man heard her say
"God bless Mommy and *good-bye* Daddy."

The man practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous all day. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be OK He felt safe in the office, so he stayed until the end of the day, looking at his watch jumping at every sound. Finally, when midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said "Yuh neva come 'ome dis late before, wha happen?" "Mi no waan talk 'bout it," he said. "Mi jus 'ave de worst day ah in mi life."

"Yuh tink yuh had a bad day?" the wife exclaimed. "You'll neva believe wha happen'. Dis mahnin', Desmond next door, drapp dead pan de verandah"

KillZone · « **Reply #119 on:** July 29, 2005, 02:24:17 PM »

Man Down

Carigamers · « **Reply #119 on:** July 29, 2005, 02:24:17 PM »

Author Topic: Just a Joke (Read 213297 times)

Carigamers

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