* Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
* Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he
grew a beard.
* Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second
Wednesday of the month.
* Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
* To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris
smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7
different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for
30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
* Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply
beat the living s**t out of everything that was thrown at him, and the
game forfeited.
* The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
* Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
* Chuck Norris doesn't shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only
thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck
Norris
* Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
* Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. The other Wisemen,
used their combined influence
to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of
roundhouse kick related deaths.
* If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
* Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying "booya".
* When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck
Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
* Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the
first 45 minutes drinking and waiting on it to arrive .
* Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.
* After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His
reasoning? It was more "humane".
* The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and
starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too
awesome for a single show, however.
* Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had
gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck,
to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he
taketh away.
* One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that
Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged
to death by Chuck Norris.
