http://www.actiontrip.com/rei/comments_new...tml?id=070704_1We've been sailing in a sea of dead cow parts for three weeks now and the stench is becoming unbearable. UNBEARABLE! The air reeks of rotting flesh and formaldehyde and there's no wind, so we're forced to use tug boats. The flies, the horrible flies, buzzing everywhere, there's millions of them! They're attracted to the stench I guess. It's a bitch trying to tug a huge galleon through cow parts. Sure they're floating in blood and the intestine isn't too bad as the tug boats can cut right through it, but they'd often get stuck on larger spinal cords, and cutting through giant cow bellies is a bitch. I mean these bellies are freaking huge, and they'd often explode releasing gases that would make an earthly skunk pass out. Messy stuff. It's said that the giant Mermodian cows used to live in these parts almost 30,000 years ago, back when there was no sea here, just grassy sprawling plains.
The men are terrified of the water-eating sharks. Rumor has it they can leap 40, even 50 feet in the air at the mere site of water-carrying organisms (like us), and I can't even imagine how they would react if they knew we had thousands of gallons of water stored in the lower deck.
Water Sharks scour the Dead Cow Sea looking for anything watery enough to eat. Ironically, they cannot digest cow blood. They are ferocious, extremely intelligent and I think they're capable of some sort of rudimentary form of speech.
Like Christopher Columbus I too am looking for the New Lands. Only, this terrible condition I have is making my life a living hell. It's a little awkward when I meet the terrified looks of my men. Even the officers have started fearing my gigantic brain, and it just keeps on growing with every minute of the hour. I can literally see and feel it getting bigger, gaining more weight. Ever since Tuesday I can't walk anymore. The sheer weight of the brain would snap my spinal cord in an instant. What's amazing about this condition is that your skull becomes so rubbery that it can literally stretch to a size of a large house.
I'm forced to lie on the upper deck floor with my head cocked to one side. The brain is growing so fast I fear it might do some damage to the ship's main mast, as it's running out of room to grow.
If we don't find land soon my huge, growing head will prove too much for the ship. We must reach the New Lands, before we sink with our precious load. I hear the Water Sharks communicating in the dead of night, I think they know about my brain condition and are working out some kind of plan to board the ship. I have ordered Myriash, my first mate, to take notes of their speech patterns. Maybe we can figure out what they're saying.
We're in a race now to find the New Lands and a cure for my condition. Who would've thought that a single bite from a Brain Bug could cause all this trouble... It looked just like a harmless Lady Bug.
this is scary.... and funny !
