Author Topic: Just a Joke (Read 214092 times)

Apprentice · « **Reply #540 on:** February 05, 2007, 10:19:25 AM »

yea that wasn't all that funny mainly because it like facts or life not always but mostly

Carigamers · « **Reply #540 on:** February 05, 2007, 10:19:25 AM »

~*Ashiee*~ · « **Reply #541 on:** February 05, 2007, 01:43:48 PM »

OK Hope noone wrote this before, I got it on e-mail:

A woman walks into a Lexus dealership. She
browses around, then spots the car of her dreams
and walks over to inspect it.

As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery,
a small fart escapes her. Extremely embarrassed, she

looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed
her little accident and hopes a sales person
doesn't pop up right now.

But, as she turns back, there standing next to
her, is a salesman. "Good day, Madame. How may we help you
today?"

Very uncomfortably, she asks, "Sir, what is the
price of this lovely vehicle?"

He answers, "Madame, I'm afraid I can't say.... If
you farted just touching it... you're going to s**t
when you hear the price."

Arcmanov · « **Reply #542 on:** February 05, 2007, 01:53:19 PM »

LOVFL !!! *_*

Certainly made MY day.....

Cross · « **Reply #543 on:** February 05, 2007, 02:26:22 PM »

LOL THAT WAS DREAD

~*Ashiee*~ · « **Reply #544 on:** February 05, 2007, 03:03:09 PM »

glad u enjoyed it

Carigamers · « **Reply #544 on:** February 05, 2007, 03:03:09 PM »

W1nTry · « **Reply #545 on:** February 05, 2007, 03:12:43 PM »

LMAO!!! good one.

~*Ashiee*~ · « **Reply #546 on:** February 05, 2007, 03:32:31 PM »

I also thought this was funny as hell is actually how they speak believe it or not:

>>Jamaican vs Hamerican Henglish=20
>>
>>USA: It's been a long time since I have seen you girl...
>>.JAM: Gyal, you noh dead yet?
>>
>>USA: Oh Lord, we have lost electricity again.
>>JAM: Lawd Gad... current lock awff again to rahtid!
>>
>>USA: This meal is not too bad
>>JAM: Di food cyan eat
>>
>>USA: Where did you buy that awful bracelet Cindy?
>>JAM: A weh yuh buy dat-deh big ole ugly bangle deh missis?
>>
>>USA: Hors d'oeurves?
>>JAM: Ah wah dis likkle sinting yuh a gi me?
>>
>>USA: Here kitty kitty... get down from the roof
>>JAM: Hey dutty puss...come awff a di housetap before a buss
>>yuhrass!
>>
>>USA: I think something is wrong with Susan. She might have the flu.
>>JAM: Lawd Gad... obiya tek up Suzie!
>>
>>USA: Oh my God, I just broke mom's expensive plate!
>>JAM: Lawd mi Gad, mi bruk up mamma stoosh crackry!
>>
>>USA: Aren't those pants a bit short?
>>JAM: Yuh did expek flood or yuh tek yuh mezament inna wata?
>>
>>USA: Why are you squeezing the mangoes like that?
>>JAM: Lissen to mi nuh, mi a beg yuh stap fingle-fingle up di mango
>>dem.
>>
>>USA: Sir, please don't throw my luggage like that.
>>JAM: Aye, buff-teet bwoy, tap fling up, fling-up mi bag dem suh
>>man.
>>
>>USA: I wish you would quit lying.
>>JAM: Tap di blinkin lyin, yuh ole liyad.
>>
>>USA: Lift up the hood of the car for me John.
>>JAM: Hey my yute, fly di bonett rasta!
>>
>>USA: I am waiting for a taxi and it's taking so long!!
>>JAM: But wait, no robot naah run todeh
>>
>>USA: Get me a pop please?
>>JAM: Beg yuh carry wan drinks fi mi deh..
>>
>>USA: It's time for a Perm.
>>JAM: Gyal, yuh hed waan cream. Yuh noh si how it tough?
>>
>>USA: Yuck! This is nasty!
>>JAM: Kiss mi neckback!! What a sinting tase bad an incipid!!
>>
>>USA: I wish you would close your mouth.
>>JAM: Yuh mout come in like when grip cyan shut.
>>
>>USA: Girl, your acne is terrible
>>JAM: Massagad, pickeny, yuh face bumpy-bumpy an fayva grayta eeh..
>>
>>USA: Please make some room on the bus so this man can have a seat.
>>JAM: Schoolas, small up unnu self man mek daddy siddung.
>>
>>USA: I have a stomach ache.
>>JAM: Mi belly ah gripe mi.
>>
>>USA: These mangoes look a bit over-ripe.
>>JAM: Missis, move fran in front ah mi wid dem fluxy mango deh.
>>
>>USA: He has very large, full eyes.
>>JAM: Wat ah bway fayva patoo
>>
>>USA: He has no manners.
>>JAM: Him no have no broughupsi
>>
>>USA: Perspiration odour
>>JAM: Him smell green
>>
>>USA: Poached (boiled) chicken
>>JAM: Dat deh singtin nuh start cook yet

W1nTry · « **Reply #547 on:** February 06, 2007, 08:41:27 AM »

BRILLIANCE OR BS
A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet Chihuahua along for company.
One day, the Chihuahua starts chasing butterflies and before long the Chihuahua discovers that he is lost.
So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.
The Chihuahua thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!"
Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the Chihuahua exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard.
Wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees.
"Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That Chihuahua nearly had me."
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard.
So, off he goes. But the Chihuahua saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."
Now the Chihuahua sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?"
But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet ... and just when they get close enough to hear, the Chihuahuasays... "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

W1nTry · « **Reply #548 on:** February 06, 2007, 08:42:53 AM »

A little boy goes to his father and asks
"Daddy, how was I born?" The father
answers: "Well son, I guess one day
you will need to find out anyway! Your
Mom and I first got together in a chat
room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date
via e-mail with your Mom and we met
at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a
secluded room, where your mother
agreed to a download from my hard
drive. As soon as I was ready to upload,
we discovered that neither one of us had
used a firewall, and since it was too late
to hit the delete button, nine months later
a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
.
.
You got Male!

New Era Outlaw · « **Reply #549 on:** February 06, 2007, 08:50:37 AM »

The facts of life, explained in Internet-ese.
Good one, W1ntry.

Netizen1 · « **Reply #550 on:** February 06, 2007, 10:07:18 AM »

LOL @ that last one from W1nTry...

wish I could mold you some chakura for that...

vivman1107 · « **Reply #551 on:** February 06, 2007, 11:03:36 AM »

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the
Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what is the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

W1nTry · « **Reply #552 on:** February 06, 2007, 11:12:11 AM »

score 1 for blondes dread... LMAO!!!

Cross · « **Reply #553 on:** February 06, 2007, 01:48:26 PM »

.........whey i and all get take.....LOL good one

Apprentice · « **Reply #554 on:** February 06, 2007, 02:37:00 PM »

she jus win $45 daz all..pfft..was aight buh i din laugh

W1nTry · « **Reply #555 on:** February 06, 2007, 02:40:30 PM »

We can see math is not one of your stronger subjects :p

~*Ashiee*~ · « **Reply #556 on:** February 06, 2007, 02:56:40 PM »

Quote from: Apprentice on February 06, 2007, 02:37:00 PM

she jus win $45 daz all..pfft..was aight buh i din laugh

oh my....maybe someone should buy you a calculator...

W1nTry · « **Reply #557 on:** February 06, 2007, 03:23:37 PM »

I am hoping it was in the spirit of the joke... blonde and all nah.... XD

On another note...

SINGLE

MARRIED

DIVORCED

Spazosaurus · « **Reply #558 on:** February 07, 2007, 12:31:55 AM »

As I saw these lions...

Two lions broke loose in the zoo and were eating a clown.
One lion said to the other ...
"Does this taste funny to you?"

TriniXaeno · « **Reply #559 on:** February 07, 2007, 08:24:41 AM »

MUHAHAHAH @ those lions.

that should be a chain mail.

Carigamers · « **Reply #559 on:** February 07, 2007, 08:24:41 AM »

Author Topic: Just a Joke (Read 214092 times)

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