Just a Joke

[Spazosaurus]

Ok.......what the @$$ was that??? loool Out of that whole video the only words I could make out were "riddim flow one more time chacarron" lol. Dumbest song ever.

[EmpireKing]

Stupid Stories that really happened....

Owner of Perfect House Lives in Car
September 18, 2002 - Baltimore, USA
In fear of possibly disturbing the perfection that is his house, Donald Manison has been forced to live in his 1998 Dodge Caravan. “I became obsessive, everything in the house was so photo-perfect that I was eventually scared of walking on the carpet in fear that I might disturb the direction of the carpet threads.” Magazines wanting a glimpse and photos of the perfect house were limited to viewing through opened ground floor windows. When asked how long he will continue his present lifestyle he replied, “If living in my mini-van is payment for a perfect house, I’m willing to pay.”

Man Arrested for Sexually Assaulting Female Manikin
August 19, 2002 - Georgia, USA
A man resembling a giant kid was arrested Thursday for sexually assaulting a manikin at a women’s fashion outlet store. Store clerks describe how the man made several trips past the manikin, and then went up onto the podium where he commenced to fondle the manikin’s breasts. When questioned about the incident, he said "I couldn't help it, she had the nicest set of tits I’ve seen in a long time."


Man Never Misses Trip To Gym For 5 Years
July 29, 2002 - Florida, USA
In an attempt to force himself into a healthy routine of exercise, a Florida man hired a hit man to kill him if he failed to show up to any of his 3 weekly workouts for the past 5 years. "At first I thought the ridiculous membership fees and that ludicrous up front joining fee would make me workout so I wouldn't waste the money - but that didn't work. Within weeks I was coming up with all sorts of lame pathetic excuses not to go. So I decided that if money wouldn't promote me to go, losing my life would. The hit man idea has worked like a charm, maybe even too good. There were some times that I truly would have preferred not to go, like that time I had bronchial asthmatic pneumonia. I've never had so much dark green mucus running down my face in my life, you should have seen that treadmill afterwards. But with all its ups and downs, my only complaint lately is that what I originally thought were expensive gym fees have been over shadowed by the high cost of the hit man. Now that I want to stop, I can't because I told him to shoot me if I told him I wanted to give up."



AOL Advert Campaign Actor Dies of Boredom
July 22, 2002 - California, USA
Jeffery Goldstein, the actor whose embarrassing line “I love when it says ‘You’ve got mail’”, won him enemies the world over, passed away last night due to extreme unbelievable boredom. When questioning his mother about her son she stated, “What he said in the ad was actually true, he would spend hours a day signing up for spam lists, newsletters, write e-cards to himself and even post messages on bulletin boards asking others to spam his email address just so he could hear that retched ‘You’ve got mail’”. His mother continued on to explain the cause of the death, “But when the speakers attached to his computer stopped working last night, a few hours after the last ‘You’ve got mail’, he slipped into a boredom induced death spiral. The doctor said the symptoms of his death are similar to thousands others who were listening to the latest Celine Dion album.”

I'mm not sure if this is NSFW cause its words but just incase ............NSFW
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/cat_480.htm

[EmpireKing]

hhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....dat guy making me feeling dat i cud sing an make money an get some decent lookin chicks

[W1nTry]

Chakura for Narc, dread... dat icon flash real bad...

[Heady]

LOLOLOL HOSS he sound like he was singing another guys song and didnt know the words LOLOLOL

[Jdcrys_Shinkuu]

d icons have it literally
btw where can i dl that...

[New Era Outlaw]

In case anybody's confused....I merged the Icon Flash thread with this one. Seems like Just a Joke material to me, wouldn't you say?

[Jdcrys_Shinkuu]

yes i would.....

[EmpireKing]

D business serious
http://www.wimp.com/grow/

[TriniXaeno]

nasteh!!!

I wouldn't want to be a janitor in that school.

[ProtoJoe]

When Bob found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening. Three days later, she became his stepmother.

[prozecks]

dude that was one arse of a man....shet!!!!!!....only goes to show u don't be fooled by apperances and preconceptions....lol

[EmpireKing]

When Bob found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening. Three days later, she became his stepmother.

he shudda neva tell she dat

[Jdcrys_Shinkuu]

no father..... no money..... no gyul......dat rel hard dread....

[W1nTry]

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately
take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the

Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around
and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't say a word...he
knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who
works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking,

I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."


THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold! a
variety of candy and nuts.

As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter
asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your
nuts."

My sister started to laugh hysterically.

The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.

To this day, my sister has never let  me forget.


FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some
pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after
receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her
that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just
as threatening,

"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that
I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.

Even the tellers stopped what they were
doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the
bank with my daughter in tow.

The last thing I heard when the door closed behind
me, were screams of laughter.


FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old
son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.

One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.

It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled
something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and
she was clean. Then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a
while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept
thinking

"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me. "

Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have! an accident?"<

"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smel l was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"

This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks
and yelled:

"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,

he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.

An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh
they'd ever had!


LAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before
she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a
female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and
didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

[Jdcrys_Shinkuu]

  Office Vocabulary

    * Blamestorming:
      Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed, or a project failed, and who was responsible.

    * Seagull manager:
      A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything, then leaves.

    * Salmon day:
      The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

    * Chainsaw Consultant:
      An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.

    * CLM:
      "Career Limiting Move". Used amongst microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss whilst he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM. (Also known as CLB: Career Limiting Behavior.)

    * Adminisphere:
      The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

    * Flight risk:
      Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

    * 404:
      Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404: Not Found", meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him . . he's 404, man."

    * Ohnosecond:
      That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

    * Percussive maintenance:
      The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

    * Prairie dogging:
      When someone yells or drops something loudly in a" cube farm" (an office full of cubicles) and everyone's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

    * Assmosis:
      The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss.

[New Era Outlaw]

With World Cup 2006 just around the corner, and the Soca Warriors stepping up to the plate, I just thought I'd share this e-mail I got. Usually, I don't like receiving these, but this one happened to catch my attention, and got a laugh out of me.
So, now, I present for thy viewing pleasure:


WORLD CUP RULES FOR GIRLFRIENDS & WIVES[/size]

 

LIST OF RULES

 

1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention. Get to know our teams, because if you speak favorably of an opposing side, YOU WILL BE SHOT!!

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I won’t have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it won’t happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, it’s only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime scores are pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:

a) I will not go,

b) I will not go, and

c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch??” The reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League/FA Cup, UEFA Champions League, UEFA Cup, Euro Championship, Supercup, Confederations Cup, etc… etc… (Then there's Basketball & Cricket, plus Superbowl).

Thank you for your cooperation.

Regards,

Men of the World.

[Narcissus]

* Percussive maintenance:
 The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

yup i know bout that...i do that even when the device works fine...

[Jdcrys_Shinkuu]

New Screensaver yall

http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm

[W1nTry]

WHOA Chakura for you JD!!! dat was mad... I actually found myself staring at it for 15 mins catching follies of how Bush does fall and squeeze through the openings... good find man, I done pull the shockwave file, another to add to the collection