Just a Joke

[Cross]

LOL

[Crixx_Creww]

steups

how dah man go be spreading the story of my life on de net so.. steups

[Apprentice]

lol @ crixx...i aint know why he wanna expose yuh business nah...tsk tsk

[Arcmanov]

15 Year Old with big titties


Can't show the thumbnail, for obvious reasons......   

http://img168.imageshack.us/img168/7661/bigtittiesbi3.jpg

[Synchronomyst]

This topic is made out of pure unadulterated win.

[Synchronomyst]

A guy goes to the doctor with a strange complaint. He tells the doctor, "Doc, I can't stop singing that song 'What's New Pussycat?'"

The doctor says, "Hmm, it sounds like you have the early stages of Tom Jones Syndrome."

"Wow, doc, is that rare?"

"Well, it's not unusual."

[Arcmanov]

 

[Crixx_Creww]

am i missing something?

[BeoBear]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

thats so dumb its funny... skeet skeet skeet...

[New Era Outlaw]

Moved to the Just a Joke thread.

[W1nTry]

A virgin's worst nightmare

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night  and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a
big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love
for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get
some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.
He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many
condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he
thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents
house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly
offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the
girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

[W1nTry]

A few from the Irish:



Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

" Jamie O'Connor and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little sh*t, O'Connor," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

" Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"

That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Connor's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

 

 

*****************************************************************************


An Irishman who had a little too much to  drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course,

his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"

" Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.

" Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest,

that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

 

 


*****************************************************************************


Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".

"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.

Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

 

 


*****************************************************************************


Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.

He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"

She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."

The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"

She says, "That he did, Father."

The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "

She says, He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'

 

 

*****************************************************************************


ANDTHE BEST FOR LAST

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.

The priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there.

Finally, the priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"

[Nephilim]

LOL ah like that lastone

[SeXiE_ToY]

LOL @ W1n..chakra for you

-For all Naruto fans XD- Lemme see you walk it out!! *walkin' it out*

[Cross]

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best
to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing, and cares less, tries to make your life miserable.

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to
Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who
responded:
 "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline.
Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always
late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called
Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be
something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel
in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they're
overpriced. So, whatcha' doing when you get there?"

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other
people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on >>this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class.

The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest
hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know
you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private
room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five
minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"

He said: "Where'd you get the sh*tty Hairdo?

[vivman1107]

A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit....

Man: "Hi! Am I ever happy to see you."

Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

Man: "It's been ten years!" With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man a cigarette.

Man: "Oh thank you so much!"

Girl: "So tell me how long its been since you had a drink?"

Man: "It's been ten years" The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink.

Man: "Oh... thank you so much. You are like a miracle!"

Girl: [Starting to unzip the front of her wet suit.] "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?"

Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there too?!"


One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, with no scuba gear on whatsoever.

The diver went below another 10 feet, but the guy joined him a minute later. The diver went below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joined him.

This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof pad and pencil, and wrote, "Amazing! How are you able to stay this deep down without equipment?"

The guy took the pencil and pad, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"

[SeXiE_ToY]

    A woman went to her boyfriends parents house for Christmas Dinner.
This was her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman began to feel a little discomfort. Thanks to her nervousness
and the broccoli casserole.
    The gas pains were almost making her eyes water.
Left with no other choice, she decided to relieve herself a bit and let
out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof.
     Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boy-friends father
looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair,
and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!"
     The woman thought, this is great and a big smile came across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.
This time she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer "rrriiippp"
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"
     Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!" A few minutes later
the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it.
She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.
And once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,
"Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she $hits on you!"
8 Things I Hate What People Say And Do

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know
where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch
when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a$$ to search the entire room
for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change
the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it
is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people
do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their a$$es!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I
paid $30 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a
choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When they say something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then
there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then
there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come
yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumba$$?

[vivman1107]

Back when Bill Clinton and Hillary got married Bill told her, "There's one thing I want you to know. There's a box under my bed and I don't want you to look in it until I die."

Hillary agreed to this but, over the years, the curiosity got the better of her and she finally looked in it. She found three beer cans and 1.5 million dollars in cash.

When she asked Bill what the beer cans were for, he replied, "Well, those are for all the times I've cheated on you."

Hillary said, "Well, that's not bad after all these years and you being a politician and traveling and all."

She was about to leave, but then she said, "Hey, Bill, what about the 1.5 million dollars?"

Bill replied, "That's for all the times the box got full and I had to cash the cans in."

[TheApprentice]

http://www.secretsites.de/joblog/?p=281

[Cross]

shouldn't that have a NSFW on it?