Just a Joke

[KillZone]

One day the Lone Ranger and his companion Tonto were walking through the desert when Tonto suddenly stopped, bent down to the ground and said, - "Buffalo Come!"

And the Lone Ranger said, "How do you know Tonto?"

Tonto replied, - "Ear stuck to ground..."

[KillZone]

 So these three people are hiking in a forest, and all of a sudden these headhunters catch them and bring the hikers to the head headhunter.

The head headhunter says "If you want to live you must complete some tasks. First you must go into the forest, pick some fruits, and bring them back"

So the hikers did that and came back.

The head head hunter said "Now you must take the fruits you picked and stick them up your but."

So the first hiker has apples... Ok, apples it shouldn't be too hard.
1 up okay... 2 up the hiker starts screeming, so the headhunters chop off his head.

The second hiker has grapes. Ok, grapes this should be easy!
1 up okay... 2 up fine... 3... 4 the hiker starts laughing like crazy! The headhunters chop off his head.

So the two hikers who got their heads chopped off are up in Heaven and the hiker who had the apples askes the hiker who had the grapes "What happened... you had grapes, I mean you got killed c'mon what happened?"

The guy who had grapes says, "Well the other hiker........ he........ he......... he had watermellons!"

[KillZone]

Are You a Redneck Jedi?

You might be a Redneck Jedi if...

You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."

Your Jedi robe is camouflage.

You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud
Light.

At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.

You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum
skeeters.

Wookies are offended by your Body odor

You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you
didn't have to wait for a commercial.

You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.

Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the
dark side...it'll be a hoot."

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense
electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.

You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your
land-speeder.

You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke
shorts.

You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get
in through the window.

Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the
Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood
deck.

You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina
scene.

If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father . . . and your uncle."

[Narcissus]

Eh killzone jokes.com know u rippin them off.... could have saved a lot of scroll time if you just gave a link... but the jokes were funny anyways especially the jedi one

[KillZone]

A Trini guy, a Guyanese man, a beautiful girl and an old woman are sitting in a train. The train suddenly goes thru a tunnel and .. it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The old woman, beautiful girl and the Trini guy are sitting there looking perplexed. The Guyanese is bent over holding his face which is red from an apparent slap.
The old woman is thinking : That Guyanese guy must have tried to kiss that girl and got slapped.
The Guyanese is thinking : "Damn it,that Trini guy must have tried to kiss the beautiful girl, she thought it was me and slapped me instead."
The beautiful girl is thinking : "That Guyanese must have moved to kiss me,but kissed the old lady instead and got slapped."
The Trini is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that Guyanese again.


This is Trinidad for you

A man walked into a Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant in Trinidad and
"passed out" on the floor. People gathered around to help him by
fanning and doing everything they could to help him regain
consciousness.
Someone peeled an orange and started squeezing the juice into his
mouth, whereupon the man suddenly came back to life, pushed the person
away and yelled,
"if ah did want orange, ah woulda fall down in de market."

[KillZone]

President Bush is so stupid, he tried to hide in a corner in the Oval Office.

[TriniXaeno]

rofl

[suzieboy]

lol

[KillZone]

George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking,
when George W. said, "I hate all the dumb George W. jokes people tell about me."
Wise Old Cheney, feeling sorry for his old boss kid, said sage-like, "Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I'll prove it to you."
Now Cheney, to patronize George W, took him outside and hailed a taxi driver.
"Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," said Cheney.
The cab driver without saying a word drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, Cheney looked at George W. and said, "See! That guy was really stupid!"
"No kidding," replied George W. "There was a pay phone just around the corner...
You could have called instead?"

[KillZone]

Sure fire signs that your cow has mad-cow disease...

Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.
She refuses to let you milk her, saying "Not on the first date."
Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears.
Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder.
Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body.
Your cow demands to be branded with the 'Golden Archs Logo'.
Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.
Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows.
Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King.
She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia.
Your cow joins the Hell's Angels because, hey, it already has a cool leather jacket.
Your cow starts smoking its grass rather than eating it.
Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting "MOO" backwards.
Your cow insists that it can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding it Hershey bars.
Your cow asks you to brand it again but only if you'll wear something sexy this time.
Your cow purposely blinds itself with a dart and yells "Bullseye"!
Your cow becomes a Muslim and asks to be called "LaCream Abdul Milkbar".
Your cow insists Milk Duds are the result of stupid cows.
Your cow starts laughing hysterically until milk spurts out its nose.
You find your cow hiding secret plans to burn down half of Chicago.
Your cow keeps wanting to chew other cows cuds.
Your cow believes it could really jump over the moon like in the nursery rhyme if it had a really good run at it.

[KillZone]

There where two snakes talking.
The 1st one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?'.
Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?"
The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"

[KillZone]

Famous interpretations of "Why did the Chicken cross the road?"

Bill Clinton:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please...

Louis Farrakhan:
The road, you will see, represents the black man.
The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him down!

Colonel Sanders:
I missed one?

L.A Poliece Department:
Give us five minutes with the chicken, and we'll find out.

Jerry Falwell:
Because the chicken was gay! isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the other side. thats what "they" call it: the "other side". Yes, my friends the chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too!

Ronald Regan:
What Chicken?

Saddam Hussein:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion, and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it!

ROBERT DE NIRO: Are you telling me the chicken crossed that road? Is that what you're telling me?

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Marting Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens, be they black or white or brown or red or speckled, will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it's true?

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. How do you feel about your mother?

Bill Gates: We have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs (only in the proprietary brown_ms.egg format), file your important documents, and balance your chequebook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

The CIA: Who told you about the chicken? Did you see the chicken? There was no chicken. Please step into the car, sir.

Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken.

[KillZone]

 A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said "I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke please" so the barman took his order and the panda went to sit down. Soon a waiter brought over his meal. The panda ate it up, thanked and tipped the waiter and paid the bill.

All this seemed pretty normal until the panda pulled out a gun from the depths of his fur, pulled the trigger and BANG! shot the waiter.

The barman came over and said "Wha.. wh.. You just shot my friend!!!"
the panda calmly replied "Do you know what I am?"
"Why yes," the barman answered. "Your a panda."
"Good," the panda nodded "Now go home and look up 'panda' in the dictionary." And with that, the panda walked out of the bar.

The barman was a little unsure, however he was very eager to be enlighted on the subject of his friend's murder, so he went home to find his dictionary.

After a while, he found 'panda' and quickly read the definition:

PANDA:1. A black and white bear native to China. Eats shoots and leaves.

[KillZone]

A Jamaican lady pregnant with twins was in a car accident and went into a coma.  During the coma she gave birth to twins, a boy and a girl.  Some time later when she awoke from the coma, she was told that she had given birth and that her brother had been nice enough to name them.  The mother was extremely upset to hear this.   She told the nurse that they never should have let her brother name the children because he was an idiot from the country.
The nurse assured her that he had done rather well; he named the little girl "Denise".  The mother seemed to be okay with that, so she asked what he had named her son.
The nurse replied, "Denephew".


Ah couple in Maracas Bay with dey 6 year old son.
As he was walking down de beach, he notice some ah de girls have bigger breasts dan he mudda...
So he axe she why. "Son", she say, "The bigger dey iz, de more chupid de person iz."
So... he gone again to play and come back and tell he mudda that plenty man on de beach have bigger totee dan daddy. Mommy say, "The bigger dey iz, de more chupid de person iz."
So... Again the boy gone to play. Shortly after, he come back and say,
"Mommy... Daddy talking to the chupidest girl on the beach and de more he talk, de chupider he getting."

[KillZone]

Why a Trini should not fight a warah (war)

Running on Trini time, soldiers would be too late to fight
Coolers filled with drinks would take priority over military backpacks
The war would be known as "The Desert Lime"
War supplies would consist of doubles, roti and red solo
Mass surrender would happen because troops kept waving rags in the air
The pilots would go on strike
Army tanks would be replaced by unruly Maxi Taxis
Another hot venue for the WASA fete
Patriotic troops would wear red rather than army green
Troops would only advance to the sound of steelpan and brass
Nobody would go anywhere without de drinks cart
All dat sand must have some 'shark & bake' to go with it


One Jamaican, one Trini and a Bajan

Three men, one Jamaican, one Trini and a Bajan were sitting naked in a sauna.  Suddenly there was a beeping sound.  The Jamaican pressed his forearm and the beeping stopped.  The others looked at him questioningly.

That was my pager, "he said", I have a microchip under the skin of my arm

 A few minutes later a phone rang.  The Trini fellow lifted his palm to his ear.  When he was finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone.  I have a microchip in my hand."

The Bajan felt decidedly low tech, but no t to be outdone he decided he had to do something  just as impressive.  He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom.  He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind

 The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him.  The Bajan finally said....  "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax."

[suzieboy]

lololol.......alya good yes...hav me in tears!!

[New Era Outlaw]

It really has been said that laughter is the best medicine.
And the hits seem to keep on coming, so I'm stickying this.

Keep 'em rolling, KillZone.

[KillZone]

why West Indian get deported...
A West Indian man was offered a job to do landscaping in New York. His new employer arranges for his flight, then calls him and reminds him to bring his tools. So the man packs and heads for NY. Upon arrival at JFK, security asks him to open his bags. As he opens one of the bags, a cutlass falls out. "Why are you coming to America with this for?" asked the officer. The man replies "Mi come to chop  Bush."


A trini ,a Bajan , and a Jamaican were camping this camping trip was a research project in the rain forest after spending 3 weeks in the forest food suply went low.
now they started to give food only to who capture the best find . the bajan find a rare bird, the jamaican find a rare plant , and the trini find a rare fruit . so they all came to one understanding that they all found something rare so they will share. that was cool.
Two days after on last day of camp the Bajan said who have the best dream tonight will have all the rest of food in the morning,they all agree . Now is time to tell their dreams the bajan said god blind me I dream't I was in heaven dancing with those beautiful angels I did not feel like coming back on earth. the Jamaican said bom ba clath me ah dream ah went to ah party and fight broke out and me ah get lock up for nuttin, and no body to post bail for me
TheTrini said well well well if you dreamt
you was in heaven and you dreamt that you got locked up I thought you all was not coming back so i already ate what was left.

[Narcissus]

rofl

[pleb]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!
WEY!!!THAT IS SOME GOOD SH!T