Author Topic: Steven "the untouchable" Seagal  (Read 7372 times)

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Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« on: November 06, 2005, 01:11:34 PM »
I think I noticed something and it's not just me...have you guys ever sat down a watch a load of Steven Seagal movies? Have you noticed that in half of those films and half the amout of times. His character never gets hurt, he's such a freakin' wimp as well as a pansy with that gay voice of his. I mean he seriously needed acting lessons but let's look at it this way...there would be an impossible situation when Steve is surrounded by tons of thugs and he would find some way to either disarm them or break their necks. IMPOSSIBLE!!!! And to add insult to injury his hairstays straight and he comes out without a scratch.

Honestly what do you think of that? Why is it, that in half of his lame movies, he comes out unscathed?!

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Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« on: November 06, 2005, 01:11:34 PM »

Offline Narcissus

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Re: Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« Reply #1 on: November 06, 2005, 10:09:32 PM »
not to mention everyone he fights is shorter than he is...oh thas my 2 cents

Offline la déesse de ruine

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Re: Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« Reply #2 on: November 21, 2005, 03:42:59 PM »
Dude, I have seen almost all the Steven Segal movies

The man uses some real heavy duty hairspray, except in Hard to Kill when he was in a coma for seven years and his beard and hair grow real bushy...i have NEVER seen it move, even when he was fighting on the train in Under Seige 2.

Steven Segal is and I mean no offence, a BIG dude, the man stands with his arms folded across his stomach all the time, my theory is he does not want people to notice the belly, anyway so he fights with one hand and still kill a bunch of men...how is that possible?

And the bad guys never think to attack all at once they just wait their turns for their licks.  A problem i have with Chuck Norris movies too...

So that renders him invincible...the best movie i have ever seen with Steven Segal is called Executive Decision I think...that's the one with Kurt Russell and Halle Berry on this plane...anyway Segal plays the matyr and dies within like the first 1/2 hour....it was great.... ^_^

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Re: Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« Reply #3 on: November 21, 2005, 10:58:01 PM »
lol

and here I was thinking you were a fan!

I loved those movies. You bastards!

Offline DreadNaught

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Re: Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« Reply #4 on: November 22, 2005, 10:04:43 AM »
My biggest complaint is de man knock knee.......no knock knee person could be an action star man...
But other than that i like to see the way the man does fight......nasty.If a thug block him, Seagal does go straight for de men Nuts right thru dread, and if dey block dat well is a gouge out eye dey getting. I like that, cause i not the biggest of fellahs and if someone bigger than me wanna fight (although violence is not the answer kiddies) is his shin , nuts or eyes getting the first blow.

One other thing......THE MAN WENT IN AND BEAT UP HALF OF JAMAICA JUS SO.......that is madness i tell u. He dunno the crime rate in Jamaica or what? If he really step in Jamaica all yuh will find remain is his Pony Tail.
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Re: Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« Reply #4 on: November 22, 2005, 10:04:43 AM »

Offline Narcissus

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Re: Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« Reply #5 on: November 22, 2005, 07:01:29 PM »
they movin wit the pony-tail too...yuh go see a yardie gyul coastin dat as weave

Offline QZA

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Re: Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« Reply #6 on: November 24, 2005, 06:51:50 PM »
dem jeans boy, de man does wear de same pair of jeans every movie

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Re: Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« Reply #7 on: November 26, 2005, 09:34:23 AM »
Lol @ ponytail weave!!!
But seroiusly dem jeans does be tight on de man, de man does murders dem levi's too bad, poor levi's....wait ah minute i got it!!! Is de tightness of the jeans dat make him so invincible!!! Ankle breezer, bam-c sqeezer, ballz in ah ddt jeans, de man must be so damn aggravated he must cut some ass. Mybe de villians and thugs feels his pain and felt sorry for him so dey let him beat them up!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
I am awaken to the glory that is my birthright!!!

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Re: Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« Reply #8 on: November 28, 2005, 04:57:55 PM »
I almost forgot...
My mom thinks that "stevie" resembles Batou from "Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex".
So I guess we have a possible candidate for a possible Ghost in the Shell movie.

*Flip sneezes the word, Bull$#!T!!!.

Offline DreadNaught

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Re: Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« Reply #9 on: December 01, 2005, 12:22:42 PM »
Ur mom does watch Anime.....lucky you....
I does always get a "Turn that Cartoon shit off and turn it to de western channel !!"
iz Channel 21 In me arse.

Thank goodness for me own pc.

ps. Dem western aint half bad yunno.....
DreadNaught, a known thief and murderer, a man of notoriously vicious and intemperate disposition.


God gave me a special gift, fashioned in me a fine instrument of warfare.


Blessed be the Lord my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight

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Re: Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« Reply #10 on: December 01, 2005, 01:56:57 PM »
Actually my mom was extremely bored and she pulled out my DVD's, she randomly pulled out  ghost in the shell. She actually liked it too.


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Re: Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« Reply #11 on: January 20, 2006, 09:18:55 AM »
long time, i didnt really realise that he was seemingly invincible(i was awed by his fast hand to hand moves) but u  know when i really look at it, he never ever get touch, like dem directors tell the rest of actors not to touch the Steve..



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Offline Gambitt

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Re: Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« Reply #12 on: January 21, 2006, 08:39:49 AM »
Uh.... fellas, dis nothing new or unusual. Look at that Rambo fella. Dat man dodge more bullets than a flea playing Unreal. All them movies lead was "almost hitting him", but he still ent collect a single shot. He get injured in the last movie (where he was helping the taliban take over afghanistan from the bad communists). But if you watch good, dat wasnt really where someone hit him, it just a little splash damage he take when some shrapnel give him a flesh wound.

Yankees couldnt shoot him, VietCong could shoot him, Russians couldnt shoot him. At least Segal did dead in that one show!

In the book Rambo did dead in first blood. Part 1. D-E-A-D dead dead dead.
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Re: Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« Reply #13 on: January 21, 2006, 09:36:58 AM »
yea well if dey went by the book they wouldn't have made all that money from the sequels...besides the author was probably too much of a pansy to let a dreader man than him live, even tho it's fiction

Offline Gambitt

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Re: Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« Reply #14 on: January 21, 2006, 12:16:08 PM »
Read it and you'll see why he ended up dead. The book was a lot deeper in meaning than the movies (duh) and the author was actually saying something(s) pretty significant. In the end it was better that he was dead.... then GW wouldnt have had to go in and take out the Taliban for no apparent reason (other than the idea that an oil pipeline in Afghanistan was planted in his head by a james bond movie).
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Offline richjob

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Re: Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« Reply #15 on: February 05, 2006, 05:38:08 PM »
Seagal's a legit badass.

Do a Wikipedia search on him.
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Re: Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« Reply #16 on: February 13, 2006, 12:57:25 AM »
helping the taliban take over afghanistan from the bad communists.

You're joking right?  The 'Taliban'?............
I'll assume you're joking.  If not, look up he word 'mujahadeen'.
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Offline Gambitt

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Re: Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« Reply #17 on: February 15, 2006, 01:30:18 AM »
I wasn't joking or even trying to be disrespectful. That's just plain history. After Rambo went back to his monastery, or whatever he did after the end of the movie, the mujahideen split up into factions and out of those emerged the Taliban Government.

Quote
Afghan Mujahideen

The best-known and most feared mujahedeen were the various loosely-aligned opposition groups that fought against the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan during the 1980s and then fought against each other in the following civil war.

The mujahedeen were provided some support before the Soviet invasion according to Zbigniew Brzezinski in order to '.. have the opportunity to give the Soviet Union its Vietnam'[1]. After the Soviet invasion these mujahedeen were significantly financed, armed, and trained by the United States (under the presidencies of Jimmy Carter and Ronald Reagan), Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, and China.[2] Reagan referred to these mujahedeen as "freedom fighters ... defending principles of independence and freedom that form the basis of global security and stability." [3] In Western popular culture, the mujahedeen were portrayed favourably in the popular actions films The Living Daylights and Rambo III which was not too different from how the American media portrayed the Soviet Red Army back in WWII.

Following the Soviet retreat, many of the larger Mujahedeen groups began to fight each other. After several years of this fighting, a village mullah organized religious students into an armed movement, with the backing of Pakistan, who was being funded by the United States, which found the existing government to be too Russia-influenced. This movement became known as the Taliban, meaning "students", and referring to the Saudi-backed religious schools which produced Islamic fundamentalism along the pacific coast of Asia. With each success the Taliban had, their popularity and numbers grew.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mujahidin

Rambo (originally a metaphor meant to show the military wrongs America neither recognised or admitted to) helped the Mujahideen, one of the groups of those fighters evolved into the Taliban. I simply contracted it to emphasize what anyone who thinks about the irony of the movie shows: Rambo (the americans) put the Taliban in power when they were fighting against the soviets  because the Mujihadeen were to be considered respected warriors fighting for freedom etc. and now they (the americans) have gone and destroyed the government set in place by their efforts to overthrow the Soviets. If we were in a thread about political history and other such interesting things we could go on to talk about Saddam, but we aren't, so I wont.

Fact is Rambo just took a little splash damage, despite having the equivalent of a minor but amazingly well armed branch of the soviet army shooting at him, while managing to take out the apparent vast majority of the population of russians in Afghanistan, babysitting a kid,  playing polo with a goat and making the ever so comical show of displaying his "magic fire" to the natives, along the way.

At least Segal had the decency to die fast and vastly improve the film every once in a while. ;)
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Re: Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« Reply #18 on: February 15, 2006, 05:06:11 PM »
Very well put. 
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Offline la déesse de ruine

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Re: Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« Reply #19 on: February 20, 2006, 02:08:53 PM »
lol

and here I was thinking you were a fan!

I loved those movies. You bastards!

despite the fact that it makes no sense whatsoever that he ALWAYS beats everybody else up.... i admit that i like the man movies...lol...maybe it's because of that one line....it's not a job, it's an adventure...

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Re: Steven "the untouchable" Seagal
« Reply #19 on: February 20, 2006, 02:08:53 PM »

 


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