You know, one day, while playing Super Mario Bros. and watching everything go on in the Mushroom Kingdom, I realised one thing:Mario is a freaking drug addict.No, seriously.Take a peek at all of the signs that suggest that Mario may have been riding the white pony:1. He eats strange mushrooms that make him feel big.2. He bonks his head repeatedly on bricks.3. He battles walking mushrooms and giant, fire breathing turtles. Does that sound right to you?4. He gets access to an obscene number of gold coins, but do we actually get to see exactly what he spends it on? Does he want us to know?One would think with all that coinage, he could get some new threads, or something.5. You always see white clouds in the background with smiley faces. Does that say something to you?6. One Starman and Mario feels invincible and starts going on a murdering rampage. 7. His girlfriend Princess Toadstool is almost ALWAYS getting kidnapped. Drug deal gone bad, perhaps?8. At the end of every stage, Mario goes into his castle. Now tell me, who other than a Colombian drug lord can afford to actually have a castle at the end of every stage? [8 x 3= 24 castles!]9. Here is a guy that can go underwater and stay there for an indefinite amount of time. Sounds to me like Mario's been beefing up his lung power quite a bit....*cough*bong*cough*10. At the end of each level, he has a conversation with [ahem] talking mushrooms. Now, I've had a conversation with a mushroom before, and I knew I had to seek help when they began talking back...uhmm, yeah.11. Does that icon that gives Mario the raccoon features in SMB3 look like a joint to you?So, there you have it.If that isn't proof that Mario has been hitting the bong quite a few times, I don't know what is.
